AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

I am still screaming!

Give me a sec to calm down and I'll tell you what happened.

OK, here goes.

When I was a kid I wasn't afraid of a lot. Mostly snakes, spiders, gremlins under my bed - you know, stuff a small town kid might see often. Being a small town kid meant lots of time in the great outdoors. Our parents couldn't tell us to go play in the freeway, so they told us to go play in a field instead. So we did. With the Umatilla River close at hand we had many adventures. I think I still have a map of Snake Island along with the hidden path to THEE best rope swing ever. All this exploring in the wilds of Echo led me to add one more thing to my list of fears - ticks.

Remember when I told you about my very first hunting experience?

If not look here http://goltergoonies.blogspot.com/2009/11/how-part-1.html

That story contained mention of some of Satan's children - ticks.

Well, fast forward to today. My bestest friend and I had gone out to Mark's parents house to clean it up a bit before Mom came home. When we were done we thought we'd go out and play with our cameras a little bit and see what we could see.

I took a picture of the house with all the dirt that Mark had been digging up all day (he was getting ready to put in sprinklers for his parents).

Then my bestest and I headed out into the field so I could show her the pond. Owen tagged along with us and the grasses were pretty long; almost head-high to Owen. Everything was so green and pretty, very clean smelling with all the rain we've been having. When we got out to the pond we saw some ducks and a funny little bird that kept yelling "TEEK! "TEEK!", over and over again at us.

Those warnings would come back to haunt me.

As I moved in to get a closer shot a random thought passed through my head. I turned around and said to my bestest: "Hey, when you get home tonight look for ticks." (giggle, giggle)

Her eyebrows shot up to the top of her forehead "WHAT!"

"Mark's Dad was telling me a while ago how this has been a bad year for ticks. He's found a bunch on his dog Maggie. Don't worry though, I think she must have been up higher in the hills. I doubt there are any down this low. (I am banging my head against the keyboard right now shocked at my own stupidity)

We kept taking pictures and listening to the little bird shout it's warning at us "TEEK! "TEEK!"

After a while, we walked throught the lush thick grasses back to the house and continued on our merry way home. Our paths parted and once I got home I was getting a snack for the boys when I looked down at the front of my sweatshirt.

I saw a little bug crawling by the pocket of my favorite Gap hoodie.

Watch out little bug I thought and then I flicked it off with my hand.

Only... here's the problem. It clung onto my hand and it wouldn't let go. I drew my hand slowly and carefully up to my face so I could see exactly what it was. Hmmm... didn't look like any bug I'd ever seen before. And then, just like that, I knew. I flung that little sucker down on the counter for all I was worth. I quickly grabbed a small plastic container and trapped the little booger inside it. My next move was what any educated person would have done. I googled the word "tick" and then I chose images.

Uh-huh - it was a tick all right! And it had crawled on me!

My next move was what any woman who had found a tick on her would have done - I stripped off all my clothing and ran screaming into the shower.

Once I was done checking myself everywhere (and I mean everywhere), I stripped Owen and threw him into the bathtub. I carried our clothing with the broom handle to the laundry room and washed everything on hot (DIE YOU TICK SCUM!)

Then I blew dry my hair on the highest heat and ran a fine-toothed comb through it. Then I called my bestest. (I know, I should have called her right away but I was still trying to figure out how to tell her I had exposed her to ticks)

My bestest: "Hey you!"

Me: "Ummm.... are you still wearing the same clothes you were wearing earlier?"

My bestest: "Well, I changed pants... Why? (indrawn breath) Did you find a tick on Owen?"

Me: (practically sobbing) "Nooooo, it was on meeeee! Hurry! Hurry!Hurry! Go change, go shower, go look everywhere 'cause I can't stand the thought that I exposed you to ticks!"

Luckily she didn't have any. Phew!

Once I had everything under contol I went to have another look at Satan's pet. Can you see it's beady little eyes? It's mouth just wanting to get a hold of your flesh? It's body ready and waiting to be bloated on your sweet blood?

Ok, I'm freaking myself out again just looking at the picture. 

Mark found me wringing my hands together, staring at the tick and trying to decide the best way to dispose of it. Should I flush it? I've heard they can jump and I know where my imagination would go with that one - so no, flushing was not an option.

Should I try to squoosh it? I've heard they have bodies like armor and what if it didn't squoosh but managed to escape and then I had an angry unsquoosed tick on the loose in my house - I would have to move. Squooshing was not an option.

My bestest called me and when I explained my dilema she told me what to do. Burn the little sucker. Light it on fire and never look back. Hmm... I liked that idea. (picture me rubbing my hands together laughing in evil delight - Mwa haaa haaaa!)

Of course, I still wouldn't get close to the thing so Mark had to do the honors.

Die You Horrible, Disgusting, Never-should-have-been-created Creature!

Whew! That was a close one. I tell you what - if I never see a tick on me again in my life, it will be too soon!

I should have listened to what that sweet little bird was trying to tell us - "TEEK! TEEK!"

It was trying to warn us about the ticks but I couldn't make that out because of his accent.

Now I know better...