Our family is home now. All of us. The boys are home from Grandma's house. Mark and I are home from Portland and the hospital.
It feels good to be home. Good to be in our own beds. Good to be driving our familiar streets. Good to be "whole" again with our little family.
All of this is good but in truth it doesn't feel great. A large part of us is still in Portland. Still with Mom and Dad as he battles everyday to take a step closer to some day come home.
Home.
Even though we are not there today with Dad, I still feel like some of him is here with us. I look at Mark and see Dad - it's in the shape of their nose, the line of their smiles, their mannerisms and the things they say. My heart aches as I listen to the grief that fills Mark's words as he tells me how his Dad is his best friend.
His best friend and his Hero. A best friend that he can't stand the thought of losing. Memories of Dad and thoughts of what is to come are heavy on us then.
I can feel Dad smile when Owen is praying at dinner with his sweet, precious voice:
"Dear Ward, please help Poppa to feel better and come home soon. We really miss him. Help him to not fall off any more wadders. In Jesus name - Amen"
I am finding it hard to answer all of Caleb's constant questions.
"Why did Poppa fall?"
"When is Poppa coming home?"
"When can I see Poppa too?"
"If I see Poppa, will I see his brain?"
"Why won't you answer my questions about Poppa?"
It makes me want to be a kid again and have someone answer all my questions. It's the not knowing that is hard in this situation. The not knowing when Dad will come home. Not knowing how long he will have to stay in the hospital.
The not knowing if he will wake up and be the man that we remember and love dearly.
For now, we are strenthened by prayer, the wonderful family that we do have and the amazing friends that keep showing us in a hundred different ways that they are here for us. We are putting our trust in God and even though it is hard, we are taking each day as it comes, celebrating the small gains Dad makes and waiting in anticipation for more to come!
We love you Poppa!
6 comments:
Just wanted you to know that Scott and I are praying and holding you all close in our thoughts.
We are keeping all of you in our prayers during this difficult time. God will see you through this, He is a wonderful God and He knows how hard this is for all of you, find comfort in Him.
I am keeping your family in my prayers! I read all the way through the blog in one sitting... it is easy to forget how long and difficult those 13 days must have been. I am glad it is summer so you don't have school on your plate as well.
-Also... on a more trivial note... have you read The Book Thief? It is SO GOOD. I'm not done yet... but don't want to finish it either.
Thank you for helping Mark's mom set up the blog. Her faith and love is inspiring. Tony and I have been praying lots for Terry! Owen's prayer is precious.
To everyone -
Thank you all so much for your continued prayers! This has been a path in our lives we never thought we would have to go down and knowing that we have such awesome friends and family to help us on our journey really lightens the load!
Anne- I am going to go see if the library has that book - now I want to read it too!
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